Did the Trauma My Child Experienced at Such a Young Age Impact Them?

Can Trauma Affect a Child Who Was Too Young to Remember?

You may have heard people say, "Oh, don't worry, they are so young, they don't know what's going on", or "They don't understand, so they'll be fine..." Trauma can be defined as an emotional response after living through a distressing event, oftentimes involving a life-threatening situation, a real threat to safety, or a threat to one's sense of safety. People may assume babies and toddlers are too young to remember what is happening around them, but that doesn't mean they are unaffected by the experience. Even prenatal stress exposure in-utero can affect childhood development at that earliest stage. Now, they likely won't be able to fully understand or make sense of what is going on, but their bodies can still experience the stress and intensity of the situation. This may result in that emotional response we call trauma in young children. 

What Experiences Can Be Traumatic for Children?

Kids who have trauma symptoms might have experienced a pregnancy where substances or alcohol were consumed, a complicated delivery or NICU stay, medical treatment due to a pediatric cancer diagnosis, an unexpected move or big life change, a natural disaster or car accident, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, witnessing abuse or violence, divorce, or the loss of a parent (whether physically by death or emotionally/mentally by the parents' own mental health concerns).

How Early Experiences Can Impact Attachment and Safety

From the earliest stages of development, children are learning whether their environment is safe and whether the people around them can be trusted to meet their needs. They depend on caregivers not only for physical needs, but also for comfort, connection, and help regulating overwhelming emotions. These early experiences can contribute to the way children learn to understand safety, connection, and relationships with others. This is part of why attachment begins developing so early in life. If you'd like to learn more about how these early relationships can continue to influence us throughout life, read From Crib to Adulthood: How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Life.

What Can Trauma Symptoms Look Like in Children?

Trauma symptoms in kids can look different and may not be as obvious as in adults. They might struggle with big feelings, withdrawal, excessive tantrums, separation anxiety, fear of others, nightmares, negative self-talk, and even self-harm. It can also look like sleep issues, difficulty trusting caregivers, control-seeking behavior, aggression, or regressive behaviors (for example, bedwetting). Experiencing one of these behaviors does not necessarily mean your child has experienced trauma. Instead, pay attention to changes in your child's typical behavior and the frequency, intensity, and duration of the concerning symptoms or behaviors.    

Did I Cause My Child's Trauma?

Recognizing that our children's early experiences can impact them is not the same thing as blaming parents for what happened. Sometimes difficult things happen that are completely outside of a parent's control. A complicated pregnancy or delivery happens. A child needs medical treatment. Families experience loss. Parents struggle with their own mental health. Divorce happens. Life changes.

And sometimes, as parents, we look back and wish we had handled something differently. That's part of being human too.

The goal isn't to go back through your child's life searching for everything you might have done wrong. Understanding how an experience may have impacted your child gives you information about what they might need now.

“Showing up, being present in the moment and helping someone feel safe, seen, and soothed...that is always the answer.” — Tina Payne Bryson

Children Can Heal from Trauma

Now, kids are SO resilient and can absolutely move through these trauma responses with the proper support. But resilience doesn't mean unaffected. Play Therapy in Texas is a great option that can help a child heal from trauma and process the emotional responses resulting from their distressing experiences. We don't expect a 4-year-old to sit down and verbally process trauma like an adult. Play gives children a developmentally appropriate way to communicate, process experiences, explore emotions, practice regulation, and experience safety within a therapeutic relationship. To learn more about play therapy and the healing powers of play, read Unlocking the Healing Potential of Play: 4 Therapeutic Powers of Play.

What happened to your child matters. What happens after it matters, too.  

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3 Tips for Supporting Your Child at Home

Young children's emotional experiences aren't purely cognitive or verbal. The body, senses, nervous system, and caregiver co-regulation matter too.

1. Bilateral stimulation: When your toddler is upset or feeling big emotions, you can help them by alternating light taps on their back, shoulders, or thighs for co-regulation. This can help their nervous system regulate! As children get older, this can also be modeled as a strategy they can learn to use on their own.

2. Sensory regulation: Engaging your senses can be a great tool for regulating emotions. For kids, it could look like taking off their socks to feel the carpet on their feet, clapping their hands together to make a sound, or introducing a new toy for them to look at, observe, or explore. This can be helpful for adults too! Take a breath, look around you and start thinking about what you see, hear, can touch, taste, or smell. It can be very grounding!

3. Check your child's hierarchy of needs: Before expecting your child to regulate emotions, communicate well, problem-solve, or change behavior, look at the needs underneath the behavior first. Are they hungry, tired, overstimulated, or uncomfortable? Do they feel physically and emotionally safe? Do they need connection or reassurance? Sometimes children need us to connect first, then redirect.

Did the Trauma My Child Experienced at Such a Young Age Impact Them?

It's true that experiences that happen very early in life can impact a child, even when they are too young to consciously remember what happened. But early trauma does not automatically determine who a child will become. Children can heal. Safe, responsive relationships can play an important role in healing, and as their parent, you can be part of that healing. Sometimes professional support is needed too though, and you don't have to figure out what they need on your own. If you are a parent noticing persistent changes or concerns about your child's emotional or behavioral functioning, seeking professional support can help. We'd love to support you and your child as you move toward healing.